We moved, and I never want to have to do it again! I swear, the next move will be in a pine box, with someone other than me doing the carrying. I am still looking for some important documents for the office and will probably still be looking in 2003. The thought of moving gives me chills, just like you probably get chills when you think of planning and directing a membership drive. Right?

Well, we can relieve you of the chilling symptoms brought on by membership drives. Unlike many viruses, there is a definitive cure, a Membership Event.

Our staff of skilled Event facilitators, Lorraine and Jimmy, have taken their shots (many times) to fend off the fever sweats of volunteer apathy, the aches of organization cramps, and the pain of new prospect rejections. We have replaced them with the knowledge of the cure, the rush of success, and the joy of winning.

Want to be proactive and get your membership anti-rejection shots? Call us at 800/678-6241, and let’s see where we can schedule you in our 2003 calenda.

INTERNET DEPT: What Muppet are you? Check out – http://www.geraldfield.com/cgi-bin/unofficial/quizzes/sfesurvey.cgi?whatmuppetareyou

RETENTION DEPT: Taking the retail approach. When dealing with your Chamber members, if you think of youself and your staff as store managers and associates, you can have a better percentage of retention.

Think about it! When members come into your store (joins the Chamber), what are they looking for? They are looking for better R.A.T.E.S.

Responsivenes or prompt service.

Assurance by knowledgeable and courteous employees.

Tangibles of a physical facility with people and up-to-date equipment.

Empathy or individualized attention.

Service, performed accurately, dependably, and consistently with no unkept promises.

Now consider why they (“bought in”) became a member of your Chamber.

à (If you have had a YCC Membership Event) They “bought” from someone they trust.

à They “bought” from someone they respect.

à They “bought” for reasons that matched their needs, not yours.

To keep a loyal member (customer) and maintain a high retention percentage, we have to practice every day a credo for member satisfaction comprised of the following rules:

¨ The member has set his requirements, and it is up to us to meet them.

¨ The member has a right to fullest attention and interest.

¨ The member is ultimately the person who pays our salary and wages, whatever our position in the Chamber.

¨ The member is the reason and motivation for the existence of our company.

¨ The member is not as reliant on us as we are on him.

¨ The member is never an intrusion on our work but is the reason for it.

¨ The member is part of our Chamber, not a stranger.

¨ The member is a human being, just like us, with the same feelings and emotions.

¨ The members are the most important people in our Chamber.

It is a fact that less than 40% of the reasons Chambers lose members is due to member moves, ineffective programs of work, or the increase of investment fees. The bulk of the problems are due to personnel attitudes.

You handle your attitude toward the members and the attitudes of your staff to the membership, and you have won the battle of retention. Remember the staff reflect the view of the management!

BOARD MANAGEMENT DEPT: NEWS RELEASE from the University of Toronto, Faculty of Applied Science and Engineering, Haultaine Building, Slowpoke Reactor Laboratory:

Engineering physicists at Canada’s largest university, the University of Toronto, recently discovered the heaviest element known to personkind.

The element, tentatively named administration, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 75 vice-neutrons, 125 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy vice-neutrons. This gives an atomic mass of 312, more or less. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force, tentatively called agendum, that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons, which form a newly discovered, unpredictable mass called committium.

Having no electrons, administration is inert. However, it can be detected physically as it impedes every reaction and counter-reaction with which it comes in contact. According to discoverers, a minute amount of administratium caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one second. When the catalyst governmentium was added, the reaction time was measured in sessions. A session lasts 180 days, plus or minus, depending upon the alignment of the economists, environmentalists, SIG, demonstrators, labor unions, social activists, professional societies, the Fifth Estate, G7, World Bank and funding received and distributed by the United Nations and the IOC.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but, instead, transmogrifies, a state in which vice-neurons, deputy neurons, assistant deputy neutrons, deputy vice-neutrons and deputy assistant vice-neutrons exchange places and refuse to ignite, and a very minute number leave with golden parachutes or in frustration. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight usually increases exponentially as reorganization proceeds. Reactions proceed unless embarrassment is forecast, in which case, termination of activity is insured.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally and is not limited to North America but is spreading rapidly. It is suspected to have originated in Rome and was brought to North America in three shipments in 1492. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, boards and commissions, large corporations, universities and hospitals. Administratium is most likely to be found in the highest, most expensive, newest, best maintained buildings in major financial centers.

Physicists wish to alert the general population and even politicians by pointing out, in the simplest terms possible, that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration, is impossible to detect in normal circumstances and can easily destroy any innovative, productive reactions when it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are indeterminate. (The detailed results of this research have been forwarded to the Board of Regents in twenty copies complete with a plain language translation to aid in understanding.)

(Ed. Note: Common sense and warnings always appear from above on high, even when above in this case, is Canadian humorists.)

OFFICE SERVICE DEPT: Number 3 in a series by Lorraine Deitchman, Pres. YCC.: The serious side of this issue began with R.A.T.E.S, an explanation of member service/retention through the eyes of retailers. I though I would add my input as it relates to front office service.

We all have experienced companies or offices that are not user friendly. A well run Chamber cannot be considered in the same category.

>Number 1 in good service is the first approach or impression your Chamber gives to anyone in person or on the telephone. Every greeting has to include a smile, seen or heard. Please take the time to call in and fully listen to your message machine. With more and more use of cell phones, make your message short and to the point. If your system allows individual voice mail boxes, set them up so the names and box numbers can be called out rather than ask the caller to spell the last name. What if you don’t remember the last name or (more like some of us) have failed spelling.

If visitors come in to you, don’t make them wait while you finish your call. They took the time to come in; you take the time to put your phone call on hold while you greet the visitors and ask their permission to finish your call (quickly). In some well run Chambers, no one is excluded from telephone backup relief during breaks or special projects. Whether you are full time staff, interns, or retiree aides, this is a great way for everyone to understand the role the front desk position plays.

>Number 2 is communication among staff. You have many scheduled board and committee meetings, but do you have regularly scheduled staff meetings? Every staff member should be informed and aware of what is going on around him. We have been in only a few large and small Chambers where everyone on staff was knowledgeable of current Chamber events. We have been at many more large and smaller Chambers where only the staff person working the project could answer questions. Communications have to include the staff, part timers, interns, and retiree aides in order to benefit the members.

>Number 3 is communication among members and inquiries. Once advertising materials are printed and on the shelf, we tend to forget what they say. Take the time to review your Chamber literature to make sure it is timely as well as correct. Repeating (not repetitious) communications letting the members know what is going on is very important. Information on events or even calls for help on events can make or break your efforts. You would be amazed how many people would help out on projects, if they were asked! We always seem to go back to the same people when looking for help. Some (a few) will respond to a mailing for help, while many will favorably respond to a personal call.

>Number 4 is marketing. Most Chambers (unintentionally) are the best kept secret in their communities. The average person doesn’t know what Chambers do or how important they are to the growth of their business community and therefore to the well being of the entire community. When we use a fast food drive- through, the employees are programmed to ask us if we want add-ons to our order. When you go to a specialty store, they will also sell you on adding a tie (or scarf) to the new suit you are buying. All Chamber staff should address the reason the caller contacted the Chamber and then invite them to the next upcoming Chamber event. You have to think outside the box when you have a product to sell. Sell creatively! We have seen creative t-shirts at lunches or mixers advertising upcoming Chamber events. Members will remember the unusual, so try to be creatively informative.

In a nutshell, service with a smile from knowledgeable Chambers that communicate to all will add to your marketing and retention efforts.

NON-DUES INCOME DEPT: UNOFFICIAL FESTIVALS. Sometimes the enterprising entrepreneur can lead you to a non-dues income opportunity. Take the case of the Mugs Away Saloon in Laguna Niguel (in Orange County) California. Some 22 years ago they started a tradition that has been steadily gaining in popularity. The saloon is across the street from a set of railroad tracks that is regularly used by Amtrak commuter trains. Someone dared another someone to moon the train as it passed by. He did! Now every year a crowd of bare butt strangers moon the Amtrak trains as they pass by, and pass by they do, about 25 times a day including 4 “night moonings.”

Parking spaces are at a premium after 11 A.M., and so is space on the trains as many prefer to watch from the commuter cars rather than drop their pants. Those that drop will often paint their bottoms to add to the laughter. (I wonder if there is a “face” painting concession open?) Amtrak lets you look but won’t open the windows in case you want to throw at the “standing” targets.

It’s all in good fun, and the Mugs Away Saloon puts together special “moon shots” for the visitors at the annual “Mooning of Amtrak.”

So far the Sheriff’s department has been very liberal about the tradition, as long as you only moon the trains, don’t get obnoxious, or interfere with the deputies. To date the publicity has been by word of mouth and the web site www.moonamtrak.org. The Chamber doesn’t take advantage of the event because their downtown is nowhere near the mooning area. But can you imagine what a business organization could do with this if it could get liability insurance to cover “mooning” disasters?

(Ed. Note; Thanks to Steve Snyder of the Cal. CofC for tipping me off about this offbeat tradition.)

WHAM! POW!

BOARD RETREATS DEPT: You have heard facilitators exclaim their programs as “a High Energy Retreat”, “a High Powered Retreat”, “a Retreat Designed for the New Century”, or even “You can’t afford to miss this Retreat,” but have you ever heard of the “Badda Boom, Badda Bing” Retreat? Unless you have participated in a YCC Membership Event, you would not have a clue. Even with the wild suits, the laughter and the cross table dares, there is substance and meaning behind everything we do.

YCC’s half-day board of directors and committee chairs retreat offers a fresh, and energetic approach to everyday Chamber affairs. “Outside the box” thinking for board members, committee chairs and interested volunteers provides new direction for Chamber strategies and community perceptions.

YCC’s Jimmy Cusano’s style is all his own. He is direct and to the point, hence the “Badda Boom, Badda Bing” title. Jimmy sees the good ideas from all over the country and implements them into a very informative and entertaining 2 hour and 53 minute session that will have your Chamber attendees talking for months! Jimmy also sees the questionable ideas and practices that you should be wary of. He tells it like it is!

So if you’re looking for someone to come in, shake some branches and make your ordinary, extraordinary, then give Jimmy a call. He truly has a vision and a passion for the Chamber of Commerce profession. Jimmy can be reached through our office at 800/678-6241 or call Jimmy directly at 817/946-3578.

Sound investment advice DEPT: If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $4900. And with Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit (in some areas), you would have $214.00. Advice, drink heavily and recycle!

A Note from Jimmy:

I'm back on my feet now! I want to thank all of you for your thoughts and well wishes over the past 2 months. As many of you know I had reconstructive knee surgery back in June. It's been a long journey but I'm well into my recovery. I still have a few weeks of therapy and a couple of months until I'm back to my old self, physically, but it hasn't affected my "Botta Boom, Botta Bing" attitude!

Special thanks to all who rearranged their schedules or made special accommodations for me.

Sincerely, Jimmy